ME: okay we’re going to meditate now. Let’s draw our attention to our breath and focus on the mantra. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shi—
MIND: I can help you out with this, you know!
ME: okay, good, because I need your help. Let’s go. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Nanah Shi—
MIND: I can help you think of nice meditative images. Like – hey, here’s a good one. Imagine you are a temple. An temple on an island. And the island is in the ocean!
ME: Oh, that is a nice image.
MIND: thanks. I thought of it myself.
ME: But what ocean are we picturing here?
MIND: The Mediterranean. Imagine you’re one of those Greek islands, with an old Greek temple on it. No never mind, that’s too touristy. You know what? Forget the ocean. Oceans are too dangerous. Here’s a better – imagine you’re an island in a lake instead.
ME: Can we meditate now, please? On Namah Shiv—
MIND: Yes! Definitely! But try not picture anything that the lake is covered with… what are those things called?
ME: Jet Skies?
MIND: Yes! Jet Skies! Those things consume so much fuel! They’re really a menace to the environment. Do you know what else uses a lot fuel? Leaf blowers. You wouldn’t think so, but —
ME: Okay, but let’s MEDITATE now, please? Om Namah —
MIND: Right! I definitely want to help you mediate! And that’s why we”re going to skip the image of an island on a lake or an ocean, because that’s obviously not working. So lt’s imagine that you’re an island in … a river!
ME: Oh, you mean like Bannerman Island, in the Hudson River?
MIND: Yes! Exactly! Perfect. Therefore, in conclusion, let’s meditate on this image – envision that you are an island in a river. All the thoughts that float by as you’re meditating, these are just the river’s natural currents and you can ignore them because you are an island.
ME: wait, I though you said I was a temple.
MIND: That’s right, sorry. You’re a temple on an island. In fact, you are both the temple and the island.
ME: Am I also the river?
MIND: No, the river is just the thoughts.
ME: Stop! Please stop! YOU’RE MAKING ME CRAZY!!!
MIND (wounded): Sorry. I was only trying to help.
ME: Om Namah Shivaya… Om Namah Shivaya… Om Namah Shivaya…
Here there is a promising eight-second pause in thoughts. But then-
MIND: Are you mad at me now?